Bedtime

It usually takes about an hour to get Ma into bed for the night. We have a routine where she pulls up to the side of the bed first. I get the top of her pajamas on. I try to lessen the number of times she has to get up and down so I take the pajama bottoms into the bathroom and while she is going to the bathroom I put the bottoms on, saving another time of getting up and down which is getting increasingly difficult. Then she spend about 20 minutes brushing her teeth and washing her face. Then it's on to the bedroom where she wheels around the room, stopping at the bird cage to tell the bird to ring her bells and say nite nite etc. Then she wheels over to the side of the bed, I help her onto the side of the bed and then it's pill time. Then lift her legs into the bed, then get on the far side of the bed, get ahold of her pj bottoms and pull her over a few times to get her in the right position. Then I arrange the pillows the way she likes it and cover her up for the night. I can't help but wonder when I say goodnight and close her door, what she thinks about. She knows that something is not right in her head. I worry that she's upset about it and scared. I had a knowledgeable person tell me that for a person with dementia, their days can be like it would be for me to be going to a new job. That feeling of anxiety at not knowing what's expected, not knowing where things are or who's who. I don't think she feels that way all the time, but I think she does part of the time. She just doesn't know what's expected or what she's supposed to do. I tend to try to over explain things and "straighten her out" like I would do with other people. Although I know she has dementia and her brain is not the same as it used to be, it's very difficult for me to grasp that things I say to her don't compute all the time. It's very sad. When I close that door at night I feel sad for her. I love her and wish there was something that I could do to fix her.