85th Birthday Party

We threw a suprise 85th birthday party for Ma in June. Our kids and grandkids came from North Carolina, Kentucky, Florida and Massachusetts to join in the fun. Ma was completely suprised as each additional family member arrived. She still remembers all of the grandchildren's names and I think all of the great grandchildren that were here. Unfortunately, my brother and his family weren't able to come from New York where she has another great grandson. Audrey took beautiful pictures for us to remember the fun and I had some of them made into a hardcover book for Ma to keep.

Rug Cleaning Ma Style

I have a 5x7 rug on my deck outside the sliding glass door. Obviously, because it is outside and is heavily traveled, it gets dirty. It is under the roof so it doesn't get rained on unless it comes in sideways. One day last week, Ma dragged the vacuum from the house and vacuumed the entire deck including the rug of course. Evidently sweeping it, spraying it off with the hose etc. just didn't get that deck clean enough.

A day or two after the vacuuming she decided that there were a couple of black spots on the rug that could not be tolerated so decided she was going to clean it and asked Debbie to bring her some laundry detergent. She got her scrub brush out and started scrubbing these spots. Evidently there was a chemical reaction between whatever was on the rug and the detergent so as she scrubbed a bigger and bigger area Debbie could see the rug was taking on a purple tint ( its a tan rug). She mentioned this but Ma kept right on making more and more of the rug purple. When the black spots didn't disappear she told Debbie to get her the bleach. Debbie advised against the bleach but when Ma demands bleach, she expects to get bleach!

So, the bleach arrived and Ma started scrubbing the offending black spots with the bleach. Of course, now the areas being scrubbed became white. At this juncture, Ma decides that actually what is needed is that the whole rug needs to be washed, not just spot cleaned. She tells Debbie to put the rug over the railing of the ramp. We are talking about quite a heavy rug, plus now it has been gotten somewhat wet so it's not an easy move.

Debbie drags it over and is going to put it over the lower railing but absolutely not! Ma wants it on the upper rail so Debbie has to hoist it up there. Next Ma wants to hose and the broom. The next fun activity Debbie gets to do is have the rug sprayed with the hose so she can then use the broom like a scrub brush. So, there is poor Debbie scrubbing rug, trying to get it clean enough to pass inspection by Ma.

Rain was threatening and Ma certainly didn't want the rug to get wet with rain water (who knows what the difference would be ) so she had Debbie go get the top to the canopy tent and put the tent over the rug on the railing so it wouldn't get wet from the rain.

Not knowing any of this, that evening when I went to put the dog out I noticed there was no rug by the back door and saw that the tent was over the railing and saw the rug under it. When I asked Ma what the deal was, she informed me that she had cleaned the rug and asked if it was a problem.

The next day we had a lot of rain and wind and the tent got put away and the rug had several days of intermittent torrential rain pouring on it. I imagine by the time it dries that it will be mildewed and the original black spots will have been joined by many more!

Prophetic?

We have some wonderful ladies that care for my mom while I'm working. Ma has been having quite alot of pain lately and has also been quite weak so her time outside has been pretty limited. Today I received this email from one of the ladies -


She was very tired today. She fell asleep in front of her rose bush on the deck. I finally got her to move under the cover of the deck. I tried to get her to come in at that time but she wanted to stay out to watch the hummers. She told me if she were to die she would like to be on the deck watching all the birds, especially the hummers. She has never talked like that before to me.

Post Secret

I often visit "Post Secret". It's an interesting site posting new secrets each Sunday. I recently saw this one and know there are those that can identify.

The Toothbrush

One night when it was taking a particularly long time for Ma to get her teeth brushed etc. I went into the bathroom to find her with a toothbrush in - well, I guess you would say a unique condition. She had blue painters tape wrapped around the bristles holding them up and some little brass clips holding the tape. Then I asked her what was up with the toothbrush, she explained that this was to keep the bristles standing upright. I told her that when the toothbrush is in the drawer there is no pressure on it to make the bristles spread apart, that it just happens when you brush your teeth. She said she knew that but this way at least they would be upright when she started.

Cell Phone Tales

We used to have a home phone and my husband and I had cell phones. If the phone at the house rang during the day, Ma would get mad if the sitter answered the phone since she felt that if we weren't home, it was her responsibility. Well, calls would come in for us and she would attempt to take messages and of course when we got the message (if she remembered to give it to us) it would be written so poorly and/or spelled so weird and numbers missing in the phone number we had a hard time calling people back. If the sitter tried to assist her she would get furious at them. Sometimes it was calls about doctors appointment changes etc. and we just never could count on getting the correct information.





When we moved to our current house, we decided we would not have a home phone and that we would get Ma her own cell phone so she would have that one to answer without fighting with anyone about it. I always give my cell phone number for any of her appointments so that has worked out well. The only calls she gets are from my brother and her friends - the 2 that are left.


The first phone I got her was very basic, big numbers, just open to answer etc. I got the voice dialing set up for her so all she had to do was open the phone and say the name of the person she wanted and it would confirm the name of the person. So, she would say "Jim" and then the recording would say "Did you say Jim?" and she was supposed to say "yes". She always thought there was actually a person asking her this and so she would say extra things like "yes, I want to talk to Jim". Of course the recording would then say "I'm sorry, I did not understand your response. Did you say Jim?" I , of course tried again and again to explain that there isn't anyone there, that it's just a computer voice and would review what she needed to say, only to have her say it was just too confusing.



She misplaced her phone a few times and went into a panic. I would tell her I'd just call her phone and we'd listen for it. She would ask how I was going to call her phone when she didn't have a phone number. Each time, I would tell her that she did, indeed have a phone number and I would again write it down for her on her calendar or someplace where I thought she would have it and it wouldn't get lost. She has always been amazed at how easily I can call her phone and we can find it rather than tearing the house apart and searching every pocket, cushion , flower pot etc.



I overheard a conversation with her friend Hazel - Ma told Hazel that if she wanted to call her, all she had to do was pick up her phone and say " Ruth" and she would get connected. I wonder how many times Hazel tried it with no success.



She ended up dropped her phone in a wet situation and I had to get her another phone. Of course, the model she had was no longer available so the one I got for her required her to say "Call Jim" instead of just the name. Of course, the same voice is there asking her questions, telling her they can't understand her command etc etc. so at this point, it's pretty much useless for her to try to call anyone. Despite my best efforts to get different types of cases for her phone, it is always stashed somewhere that makes it difficult for her to get to it and by the time she fumbles around with it, the caller - generally my brother - has hung up. I have attempted many times to show her how to see who called and just push the green button and it will dial them back. Sadly, this has not been very successful either.

Bedtime

It usually takes about an hour to get Ma into bed for the night. We have a routine where she pulls up to the side of the bed first. I get the top of her pajamas on. I try to lessen the number of times she has to get up and down so I take the pajama bottoms into the bathroom and while she is going to the bathroom I put the bottoms on, saving another time of getting up and down which is getting increasingly difficult. Then she spend about 20 minutes brushing her teeth and washing her face. Then it's on to the bedroom where she wheels around the room, stopping at the bird cage to tell the bird to ring her bells and say nite nite etc. Then she wheels over to the side of the bed, I help her onto the side of the bed and then it's pill time. Then lift her legs into the bed, then get on the far side of the bed, get ahold of her pj bottoms and pull her over a few times to get her in the right position. Then I arrange the pillows the way she likes it and cover her up for the night. I can't help but wonder when I say goodnight and close her door, what she thinks about. She knows that something is not right in her head. I worry that she's upset about it and scared. I had a knowledgeable person tell me that for a person with dementia, their days can be like it would be for me to be going to a new job. That feeling of anxiety at not knowing what's expected, not knowing where things are or who's who. I don't think she feels that way all the time, but I think she does part of the time. She just doesn't know what's expected or what she's supposed to do. I tend to try to over explain things and "straighten her out" like I would do with other people. Although I know she has dementia and her brain is not the same as it used to be, it's very difficult for me to grasp that things I say to her don't compute all the time. It's very sad. When I close that door at night I feel sad for her. I love her and wish there was something that I could do to fix her.